7 steps to stop cheating in your relationships
It is difficult to commit to one person. Do you find that monogamy is not your thing? If so, be honest with yourself and think about how a different relationship agreement might work better for you. A Study 2019 found people who like to have a lot of casual sex with a lot of different people are actually more committed to their relationship when their relationship is consensually non-monogamous. There are many ways for couples to remain monogamous while still having an open sexual agreement. (Here is our complete guide on how to know if an open relationship is right for you.)
Are we born monogamous? Who knows. But we are moving towards a form of monogamy which is linked to a heteronormative Judeo-Christian tradition of marriage from 200 years ago, when we lived to be 38 years old on average. Back then, by the time we were bored with each other, we were dead.
For today’s couples who should live together their entire lives, based on these traditional ideas of marriage, we have a lifespan of over 90 years. Can we remain keen and monogamous for 90 years?
Monogamy is not a biological prison, nor is it a privilege. It’s a deal. It’s a choice. It’s something you choose every day. It is also designed to be a mutual decision, a gift that you give to each other. A promise. Therefore, the agreement should be as explicit as possible.
After an affair, talk about whatever you want in your new monogamy deal. What constitutes monogamy for both of you? What is a secret and what should be private? Are you sexually exclusive? Are you emotionally unique to each other? (In my book The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity, I give many ways of speaking through some of these more complex conversations.)
Renew your monogamy agreement often. After all, we renew our driver’s license every few years. Why not our relationship?